Realizing Peace Through Forgiveness

By Roger Epstein

How do we bring forgiveness to the world?

First, I would like to say that in the almost 20 years that I have been the host and facilitator of the Hawaii Forgiveness Project, I have lost my ability to be surprised about what people can forgive. We gave a Forgiveness Hero award to a man who forgave the murderer of his wife, so that his young children would not grow up in hatred. A daughter forgave her father for the murder of her mother. A woman forgave the murderer of her child, so that her other children would be able to let go of their anger. And one of 4 daughters forgave her father for sexually abusing all of his daughters and murdering the newborn baby of one of the daughters; by forgiving, this daughter got her life back.

Forgiveness is for oneself, not for the perpetrator, who may not even know the victim is angry. Forgiveness is letting go of the past to live effectively in the present. Not forgiving someone is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Yet we have a culture that glorifies revenge in movies and TV, domination rather than appreciating collaboration in sports, and that does not promote forgiveness. Our society in North America almost totally ignores the messages of our ancient wisdom that forgiveness sets us free from the past and is essential for us to move forward.

Maitreya Institute is working on a program for next year in recognition of the 80th anniversary of Germany’s surrender on May 8, 1945. We are planning a 3-day conference in Frankfurt, Germany, called “Ancestral Healing,” to help them (and us) forgive their ancestors and let go of the shame and guilt many Germans still feel. It is unhealthy for all of us on the planet to be putting out such negative energy and feelings for 80 years.

There are many techniques to help one forgive; I have categorized them into 5 groups:

1. An analytical approach, wherein one recognizes one’s own responsibility in whatever happened, and reframes one’s own “story”. An excellent example technique is Dr. Fred Luskin’s (the Founder and Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project) book, Forgive for Good;

2. Techniques that use touch to diminish the angry (or other negative) energy one is carrying. Caroline Sakai’s use of Thought Field Therapy to help those involved in the holocaust in Rwanda to forgive is an excellent example;

3. Mantras, prayers, and meditation according to various spiritual traditions;

4. Mediation, such as Hawaii’s “Ho’oponopono,” using a Kahu (safekeeper) and a chance for each party to tell their story without interruption; and

5. Psychologists, psychiatrists and other professional counselors who are trained to help a person forgive. As Joseph Campbell said in his last years, we need to create new mythologies, ones that uplift healing values such as forgiveness, and teach these stories to our children.

There is a program that I have been presenting for many years, which I suggest could be a first step toward

adopting forgiveness as an essential principle in our lives. It is called “Living from the Reality of Our Connectedness.” Quantum physics has absolutely proven that the substance of all of us and everything material is simply waves of energy, which truly connects us to one another.

If we magnified an atom so that the neutrons and electrons were the size of tennis balls, the atom would be the size of the earth. So, everything is made up of about 18 tennis balls circling the earth, and the vast majority of everything, including the neutrons and electrons, is an infinite ocean of energy, in which we are all immersed. Almost all religions have recognized the existence of this universal energy, and called it God, Allah, the Great White Spirit, and in Hawaii, Ke’akua. Studies by Joseph Campbell and others have bolstered these ancient religious conclusions academically, by reviewing the expressions in art and literature of the connectedness of everything in many hundreds of cultures. And we know from our own experience of thinking about our parents or our children and suddenly having the phone ring, and the many other synchronicities that Carl Jung recognized as part of a collective unconscious, that we are actually connected to one another energetically. This truth has been firmly established. So, since we know that we are truly connected to each other, why do we not live from that reality in practice? My great friend and mentor, Gerald Jampolsky, who wrote a book titled Forgiveness and was the inspirational founder of the Hawaii Forgiveness Project, had a good metaphor for “Living” from this reality. A person goes to a Beethoven concert and loves the music, so he or she goes home and buys a piano. At first the music sounds like nothing. But after some practice it begins to sound like Beethoven, and after more practice the notes are in the person’s fingers and he or she can make nuances. That is living the reality; the new ability becomes part of one’s operating system for living.

So, my first step for getting the world to finally accept the (at least) 45,000-year-old message of forgiveness, is to radically promote the truth that quantum physics (a part of our new “religion” of science) verified just a short 100 years ago, that we’re all connected to each other energetically. This message can be spread by creating new books and movies as myths embodying this truth, posting information reflecting quantum consciousness on social media, teaching it in our earliest school programs, and making this simple knowledge an integral part of everyone’s consciousness. Once we understand that we are all connected, it becomes much clearer that forgiveness is essential, and that we have got to stop hurting our fellow humans through criticism, revenge and judgment of each other, because we are hurting ourselves when we do this. And, of course, in the larger picture, this leads to war and planetary destruction. Now is the time and we have the tools to do this.

Roger Epstein is a founder and current President of the Maitreya Institute, which has sponsored numerous programs in art, healing, and spirituality from all cultures since 1983. Maitreya has also held monthly and annual meetings of the Hawaii Forgiveness Project (where he is Director of The Hawaii Buddhists Association, co-host) for over 20 years. 

Mr. Epstein has been very active in interfaith and community activities in Hawaii since 1974. He is President of the All Believer’s Network, Director of the Hawaii Friends of Restorative Justice, and has held many other positions in spiritual and charitable work.

Mr. Epstein has served as an associate professor at the University of Hawaii and Beiwai Foreign Studies (Beijing) Law Schools. He retired from his international and domestic tax law practice at Cades Schutte, Honolulu in 2016.